But we all knew that already. Seems almost like a waste of energy to mention it, but at the same time that's why it seems like it ought to be done... yeah, I sound a bit nutty even to myself.
The only thing keeping me together these days is sheer stubbornness. I refuse to give in to all sorts of things, all of which would do me good in the short term but overall would drag me further down the rabbit hole. I don't know how many of you connected my mentions of chronic pain with the kind of medications I'm dealing with, but the short version is I'm drugged up and it's not even doing me a hint of good anymore. I think it used to, but memory is kinda hard to pick apart the fact from the fiction. These days I'm trying to kick the painkillers and just suck it up, as it were... and I'm not doing a great job of it. My willpower sucks where pain is concerned. It's my Achilles heel. Your pain, my pain... I try to do anything I can to relieve it. But that doesn't actually help when I need to detox.
I'm not sure how much I'll be around for a bit. The most interesting things going through my head sound like mad ravings when I try to put them into words, so I've stopped trying. No further philosophical lectures from me, maybe a poem or two. Six word story might be about my speed.
While I'm gone bouncing off the padded walls, I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday season. I'll be thinking of all of you when I consider the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me.